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You are talking divorce with your spouse. You are frustrated, emotional, and not thinking clearly. Every day seems like drama! Stop! Breathe! Your kids didn�t cause this, so you need to have a plan for telling them that is centered on them. In general if they are 5 or older you need to think very carefully about this. This will be HOW they remember the divorce and could be one of the most important things you do for your children. Both of you need to agree through and through that everything moving forward is about the kids as #1 starting with telling them. Pick a time and place:
Agree on somewhere that the kids will feel at ease. We were planning a dinner but actually on the way to the restaurant in the car, we thought it would feel more casual and an open conversation rather than formal sit down. Whatever you decide make sure they feel safe and in a familiar environment. Make sure no distractions from other people or TVs/phones.
Be emotionally ready:
This can be an easy thing to overlook but it is a very emotional subject and there are probably some very �raw� feelings on both of your parts. Choose which person will do the most talking, as one of you may get upset. This discussion will set the mood for your children and what they think of this entire thing. Try and put on a happy face which will speak louder than any words that are spoken.
What to say:
The words you choose are critical. Think about them, write it out, say it outloud. I researched tons of opinions and here were a few that I found to be the best. Remember the age will determine some of it.
- Start with with mom and dad haven�t been getting along lately and we are going to live apart.
- Avoid the word �divorce� it has negative all over it and most kids know this word as tearing apart and not associated with �for the better�.
- This has nothing to do with you, and in fact we love you more than anything in this world.
- We will always be your mom and dad and we will always be here anytime you ever need anything.
- You can talk to either of us anytime about any question you have.
- Explain what they can expect to see, is dad or mom moving out, will you be sharing the house for awhile. They need a picture of what will happen and when.
- Now just listen, answer every question, and talk to them at their level. If they don�t want to talk about it, give them space but follow up because they will have questions, thoughts, opinions.
| About The Author I am a divorced father of 2 great kids. Get more helpful tips and tools to guide you from separation to divorce that will save you thousands of dollars by visiting www.ManVersusDivorce.com.
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