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Through friendships with peers, children learn important social skills, such as give and take, cooperation, loyalty, trust, how to help others and how to be helped. If your child doesn�t have friends, he may be missing some of these important formative experiences. And once a child is out of the social mix, he may become anxious about his ability to make friends. The good news is that there are things you can do to help the anxious child learn how to engage other kids and begin making friends. Practice Conversation Skills.
Children who are skilled at conversation are rarely at a loss for friends. First, observe how your child participates in conversations with other kids. Does he ever initiate conversations? Does he show genuine interest in the other person? Does he ask relevant questions? Does he talk about himself too much? Not at all? The observations you make can be used as a basis to practice conversation skills with your child. Once you know where your child is having difficulty, structure a role play to practice that skill. For example, have a child who dominates conversations practice asking questions and listening. A reserved child might practice initiating conversations.
Foster empathy.
When watching television or reading a book with your child, ask him to tell you how he thinks different characters are feeling, and what is motivating them. This will help your child to start considering things from another person�s perspective, and increase his sensitivity to the feelings of others. Teaching empathy is part of helping children adapt to others through recognition of their feelings.
Encourage your child to find a passion.
Common interests are a great starting point for friendships. Not only are they natural conversation topics, but they can provide opportunities to do things with other kids. Allow your child to explore different interests and see what sticks. One way to find likeminded peers is to join group- such as an art club, a Girl Scout troop, or a model train club.
Participate in athletics.
While not every child is a natural athlete, there are opportunities for most children to participate in athletics in a positive way. Athletic teams offer kids opportunities to bond with their peers in pursuit of a common goal. The intensity of the experience and the shared goals often engenders strong bonds among kids. If your child does not wish to participate in athletics, think of other team pursuits that may suit him- such as a chess club or a debate team.
Model bringing new people into your life.
If you reach out to others, and welcome new friends, your child will internalize this behavior as normal. He will also learn by example. Regularly invite friends into your home and encourage your child to do the same.
| About The Author Cindy Jett, LICSW is a psychotherapist and author of Harry the Happy Caterpillar Grows, an acclaimed picture book that helps children adapt to change. See Cindy�s website for information on helping kids adapt to change and build resilience: Harry the Happy Caterpillar .
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